Yours Sincerely

I came back from an outing the other night

And it was a kinda outing whereby I had no feelings

Which wasn't all heeheehaha that kinda outing

In fact I believed I spoke for less than 10 sentences

And being the practical me

First thought that came to mind was how I wasted 2-3 hours

Just being there as a presence

Not speaking or doing anything

Plus the transport fee

Could have cursed and swore

Then again

Coming up with a lame excuse to leave

I got up and left

Not looking back

On the journey back on the train

I was thinking

How in the world did I ended up like this?

Why didnt I go and engage in any conversations?

Why couldn't I just put on a smile and join in enthusiastically?

Why did some messages only was received by particular parties?

Then I thought about it long and hard

But I couldn't find any answers

I knew the answers were somewhere in my head

And in my heart

But deep down I force myself not to admit what's wrong

Yes, it's the group dynamics

It was a volcano waiting to explode

Everyone had little issues with one another

But nobody want to give in

Nobody want to listen

And nobody would change

So here I am

I dare say I can change

But what about the rest of you guys?

Are you all willing to change?

So that the group dynamics would be better?

So that there's less individualistic and elitist behaviour?

Or has the whole society screw us up so bad that it's too late now?

Or maybe

Just maybe

You think that everything is just fine?

And maybe I am THE ONE thinking too much?

Maybe I'm the one who cannot get along with the rest of you?

I got off the train

And the next thought that came to mind

Was to find someone who could understand my situation

Someone who was willing to listen

And offer me some word of advice

Yup

Just some one-on-one heart to heart talk

And no, it doesnt have to be a girl

And brother, if you're reading this in the States

I'm referring to you

I thought of asking you out for a talk

But no, you half a million miles away and I knew that

And yes, my mind circle through the various people I could speak to

But it's so hard to approach to tell them I want to talk to them about this

This particular mindset that I have

This feeling

This situation

They would just feel it's some random stuff

To me, I think it's kinda bothering me

And yup, I need to talk it out

Seriously

Text me

Really

Whoever you think I am referring to

Just text me

If you're the right one

I would let you know

Yours Sincerely

Yong Jun