Have you ever had situations where you would greatly look forward to a certain defining event or moment in your life?
One that would allow you to rationalize for all that you’ve put in (or lost) along the journey is worth the while, one that would mark the peak of your bundles of expectation and anticipation, one that would finally give you the permission to give yourself a good tight pat of faith on your own shoulder and say in utter relief, “You’ve finally pulled through”… only to find out at the realization of that event or moment that it wasn’t so much of a glorious culmination but only of a mere, flat and underwhelming ending of sorts.
It leaves you going, “Oh, so this is all to it?”
The last time I had such a moment was when I collected my Pink IC after 2 years of national service in December 2007. Contrary to what everyone claimed they would do to run towards the gate and shout at the NSF camp guards, “ORD lo!”, I went home with this emptiness that needed some processing. Liberating, yes. Exuberance, not really so.
Now with a click of a button, I have successfully filed for graduation and in that split second of doing so, torrents of memories (good, better, awesome, legendary or otherwise) I had over the 4 years in the Singapore Management University (SMU) engulfed me.
Knowing how verbose I can get, I thought I should capture at least the highlights and most poignant takeaways of my SMU life in a checklist of aphorisms if you would insist in a note titled, “What I wished I knew (earlier) when I first stepped into University”.
Here goes…
1. Grades are indeed something, but not really not everything
Yeah right, I hear you say. I stepped into SMU like a blur fish without even knowing what the acronym GPA, stands for. GPA = Geeks Play A lot? It was only until after I got a C- for one of my accounting module in my first semester that I realized that GPA rearranges itself to become a bloody huge GAP and dent in your academic performance when that happens and no, geeks pray a lot instead, to the bell curve god that is.
The upside of getting a C (and a couple more later) is that it is plain liberating – you know your GPA game is foiled for life and you instead concentrate on the game of and for learning, which I contend should be what schooling is all about. The downside, you get passed on for opportunities (like scholarships, awards, sponsored conferences/exchanges. For more, ask the scholars) like an obsolete good and get left on the cold shelves of a factory. FYI, I applied for easily over 30 scholarships/awards, mostly in the areas of student leadership and excellence, and I received a grand total of… one award. At least that’s still a 3+% hit-rate.
Can you play the GPA and learning game simultaneously? I should think so. But you have to consciously balance it and not lose yourself in the senseless doing.
Ultimately, grades serve to be objective measurements of our understanding and mastery of a certain subject matter. It serves you to look at your grades and find out what are your shortfalls (if any) and make conscious improvements but it doesn’t serve you to peg your self-worth to your grades. It’s silly and bordering on ridiculous to catapult yourself into an illusory cloud nine and ego high when you get an A+ and equally unfortunate to have you feel like a plastic bag when you receive a D+. Sure there is the huge emotional and intellectual investment in the process but one needs to recognize at the end of the day that this process is meant to enrich us and widen us with the awareness of the different contexts around us so as to empower us for the next phase of our lives and not to stunt or corrupt our pursuit for knowledge. Who you are and will be in time to come, are manifestations of this process you choose to undertake consciously and the growth and maturity that you'll observe in yourself… and not your results on the report card.
2. Be damn bloody proud of your voice
I know this sounds like what Lavinia the diver said in the SMU recruitment video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lbexc43NmU0) while she was having fun with the sharks. But what I refer to is the apparent reticence of us students in the classrooms or project meetings. I was at a professional speakers conference weeks ago and one of the speakers aptly describes it,
“You know what’s the problem with us Asians? If there’s a problem, we don’t speak up because we fear being stupid. If we are good, we also don’t speak up because we fear being pompous. But I tell you all, I’m a shameless Asian here and I’m going to tell you I’m good, damn bloody good”
I thought what he said was bloody good. I think we have two big problems. One is that we are afraid of appearing stupid by asking questions (though lecturers always throw out the godly caveat that “there are no stupid problems”) in the lectures. Two, those who have the knowledge or experiences are reluctant to share for some reason or the other. Maybe they are paiseh or that they don’t want to appear arrogant or that they want to hoard their information for their As, I don’t know.
What happens eventually is that those who have questions to ask choose to play safe and ask the politically correct or inane questions that are oftentimes not most value adding for class participation marks. Worse still, some choose not to talk at all. At the other spectrum, those who are in the know keep their lips pursed in the name of modesty.
The result – uninspiring and unintelligible conversations that stretch unnecessarily and incessantly. This inevitably drives everyone to Facebook chat the friend who’s sitting next to them to complain about the resident class part whore/dude. Geez, realize how you’re complicit in this gridlock as well?
3. Professors are humans as well and for you to connect with
If I could collect a dollar from every junior/friend who go “wow, you go for coffee/meals with your professor??”, I’d have saved enough in my kitty for my graduation trip. I don’t have a problem or issue with authority and people in power in part because I often get into trouble with them unwittingly. But the main reason I choose to tell myself is that if success is a function of hard work and time and that occasional smarts with all else remaining equal, they are where they are because they have lived xxx years longer than I have. There shouldn’t be any reason I should be intimidated or fearful of them because my mum was slower in bringing me to this world and hence by virtue of my “late entrance”, I have yet to be where they are. This “unorthodox” philosophy has empowered and liberated me so much in my speech competitions and one-to-one interactions with the “heavyweights”, for example.
Aside from that, I think university is a place for you to say,
“Hey, this person is really interesting and if he/she is walking a path that I hope to walk one day, let’s connect”
and this should apply to professors/deans/students/staff alike. Sometimes, I realize I learn so much more from my professor’s life experiences over a cup of coffee because these are the times that he/she need not be worried about the lesson objectives, facilitating the class blah blah and just be himself/herself. I think our professors are amazing individuals who carry with themselves wonderful stories, mistakes, decisions and non-decisions that pack so much wisdom for young folks like us. It’s a pity how we are just “milking” them for only 3 hours every week. But of course, they are busy people too so draw the line appropriately.
Bottom-line – they are humans as well and every bit as fallible and as human as we are so don’t be afraid to take the initiative to reach out to them instead of waiting for the reverse to happen. The worst that can happen is a… rejection? They don’t bite, I assure you. If they do, you’re just an email away from the President.
4. Choose to be extraordinary
Frankly speaking, I think SMU is an awesome place with awesome people doing awesome work. The problem? This awesomeness is an anomaly rather a norm. (Ok, you may want to argue that if it becomes a norm, then it ceases to be awesome. But what’s stopping us from being outstanding individuals in our defining right?)
My chance conversation with a good friend of mine, Cheon Loon, went on like this
“Look at it this way. When Singapore was in the 1960s to 1980s, it was all about survival and eking out a life in our post-independence times. In the 1980s and 1990s, it was all about ordinariness and striving for stability in times of rapid industrialization and mechanization. And for us Gen Ys who are in our prime in this current period is a time and opportunity for us to be extraordinary and to create miracles”
It’s like how our parents and grandparents have paved this path all the way to our times and now that we don’t have any urgent basic or core needs to meet (generally speaking) as collective themes, we are at a loss because life presents to us this blank canvas for unadulterated creation and expression. Yes it is ambiguous and uncertain but I think this space is exactly fertile and rich and it empowers us to be amazing individuals because we are not saddled or burdened by the baggage from yesteryear. Yes, there will still always be bills to pay and families and babies to support but have we resigned ourselves to the level of survival and ordinariness once again or are we still consciously striving for something bigger than ourselves? To make or be the difference in the realms and circuits we are passionate about and live life intentionally.
Point is you can choose to be the usual 9-to-6 (I think it’s more right?) tax accountant or be a kick-ass accountant who is conversant with the tax act, the go-to guy/girl for your clients and colleagues, the godly tax alumnus for your young and earnest juniors in the tax society to drool over, the director who sits on XYZ board and be sought for your expertise etc. etc. and still be capable at basic bean counting. I may be idealistic but hey, I think there’s so much greatness and mastery we can strive for in what we do. Like taking a gap year off to host and swim with the sharks and yes, I’m truly impressed by that by the way.
5. Love yourself, more
Just today, I had lunch with one of the deans (yes, I apply (3) actively) and he was sharing how we need to take better care of ourselves because all the all-nighters will take a toll on us when we hit our 30s. Granted that I’m not the best advocate for loving thyself especially in the department of sleeping and resting adequately, this lesson is for me too.
I think as final year students, it has come to a point in my SMU life that you’ll instinctively say “no” to late/overnight/weekend meetings or insane all-night chionging sessions at the library and be dressed in formal just an hour before presentation without going home for a bath or having as much as an eye-wink. Of course, unless it’s super duper emergency.
Yet as most of us will realize… it really boils down to starting early, acting fast and being responsible in a group. Yes I’m quite old already. I choose to be extraordinary and that’s why I need to live long enough to watch this awesomeness blossom.
More than that, love yourself for who you are and what you believe in and go after what you really love. Celebrate and rejoice when you’ve done well and don’t beat yourself up so badly when you err or fail. The emotional distress that comes with failure has become so paralyzing that sometimes I’m not surprised that’s the very reason we spend all our energies to play safe and lie in “prevention modes”
I think in this pressure cooker environment where we are so hard pressed to be an all-rounder, we hardly get around to appreciating ourselves enough. We all deserve more gentleness for ourselves, as we’ve been too tough on ourselves for really too long.
---
Thanks for reading till here. I hope some of what I’ve said strikes a chord with you and I’ll love for you to share with me what you would wish you knew when you first stepped into SMU/university. Stay blessed and awesome!
Regards,
Benjamin
Another good read!
One that would allow you to rationalize for all that you’ve put in (or lost) along the journey is worth the while, one that would mark the peak of your bundles of expectation and anticipation, one that would finally give you the permission to give yourself a good tight pat of faith on your own shoulder and say in utter relief, “You’ve finally pulled through”… only to find out at the realization of that event or moment that it wasn’t so much of a glorious culmination but only of a mere, flat and underwhelming ending of sorts.
It leaves you going, “Oh, so this is all to it?”
The last time I had such a moment was when I collected my Pink IC after 2 years of national service in December 2007. Contrary to what everyone claimed they would do to run towards the gate and shout at the NSF camp guards, “ORD lo!”, I went home with this emptiness that needed some processing. Liberating, yes. Exuberance, not really so.
Now with a click of a button, I have successfully filed for graduation and in that split second of doing so, torrents of memories (good, better, awesome, legendary or otherwise) I had over the 4 years in the Singapore Management University (SMU) engulfed me.
Knowing how verbose I can get, I thought I should capture at least the highlights and most poignant takeaways of my SMU life in a checklist of aphorisms if you would insist in a note titled, “What I wished I knew (earlier) when I first stepped into University”.
Here goes…
1. Grades are indeed something, but not really not everything
Yeah right, I hear you say. I stepped into SMU like a blur fish without even knowing what the acronym GPA, stands for. GPA = Geeks Play A lot? It was only until after I got a C- for one of my accounting module in my first semester that I realized that GPA rearranges itself to become a bloody huge GAP and dent in your academic performance when that happens and no, geeks pray a lot instead, to the bell curve god that is.
The upside of getting a C (and a couple more later) is that it is plain liberating – you know your GPA game is foiled for life and you instead concentrate on the game of and for learning, which I contend should be what schooling is all about. The downside, you get passed on for opportunities (like scholarships, awards, sponsored conferences/exchanges. For more, ask the scholars) like an obsolete good and get left on the cold shelves of a factory. FYI, I applied for easily over 30 scholarships/awards, mostly in the areas of student leadership and excellence, and I received a grand total of… one award. At least that’s still a 3+% hit-rate.
Can you play the GPA and learning game simultaneously? I should think so. But you have to consciously balance it and not lose yourself in the senseless doing.
Ultimately, grades serve to be objective measurements of our understanding and mastery of a certain subject matter. It serves you to look at your grades and find out what are your shortfalls (if any) and make conscious improvements but it doesn’t serve you to peg your self-worth to your grades. It’s silly and bordering on ridiculous to catapult yourself into an illusory cloud nine and ego high when you get an A+ and equally unfortunate to have you feel like a plastic bag when you receive a D+. Sure there is the huge emotional and intellectual investment in the process but one needs to recognize at the end of the day that this process is meant to enrich us and widen us with the awareness of the different contexts around us so as to empower us for the next phase of our lives and not to stunt or corrupt our pursuit for knowledge. Who you are and will be in time to come, are manifestations of this process you choose to undertake consciously and the growth and maturity that you'll observe in yourself… and not your results on the report card.
2. Be damn bloody proud of your voice
I know this sounds like what Lavinia the diver said in the SMU recruitment video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lbexc43NmU0) while she was having fun with the sharks. But what I refer to is the apparent reticence of us students in the classrooms or project meetings. I was at a professional speakers conference weeks ago and one of the speakers aptly describes it,
“You know what’s the problem with us Asians? If there’s a problem, we don’t speak up because we fear being stupid. If we are good, we also don’t speak up because we fear being pompous. But I tell you all, I’m a shameless Asian here and I’m going to tell you I’m good, damn bloody good”
I thought what he said was bloody good. I think we have two big problems. One is that we are afraid of appearing stupid by asking questions (though lecturers always throw out the godly caveat that “there are no stupid problems”) in the lectures. Two, those who have the knowledge or experiences are reluctant to share for some reason or the other. Maybe they are paiseh or that they don’t want to appear arrogant or that they want to hoard their information for their As, I don’t know.
What happens eventually is that those who have questions to ask choose to play safe and ask the politically correct or inane questions that are oftentimes not most value adding for class participation marks. Worse still, some choose not to talk at all. At the other spectrum, those who are in the know keep their lips pursed in the name of modesty.
The result – uninspiring and unintelligible conversations that stretch unnecessarily and incessantly. This inevitably drives everyone to Facebook chat the friend who’s sitting next to them to complain about the resident class part whore/dude. Geez, realize how you’re complicit in this gridlock as well?
3. Professors are humans as well and for you to connect with
If I could collect a dollar from every junior/friend who go “wow, you go for coffee/meals with your professor??”, I’d have saved enough in my kitty for my graduation trip. I don’t have a problem or issue with authority and people in power in part because I often get into trouble with them unwittingly. But the main reason I choose to tell myself is that if success is a function of hard work and time and that occasional smarts with all else remaining equal, they are where they are because they have lived xxx years longer than I have. There shouldn’t be any reason I should be intimidated or fearful of them because my mum was slower in bringing me to this world and hence by virtue of my “late entrance”, I have yet to be where they are. This “unorthodox” philosophy has empowered and liberated me so much in my speech competitions and one-to-one interactions with the “heavyweights”, for example.
Aside from that, I think university is a place for you to say,
“Hey, this person is really interesting and if he/she is walking a path that I hope to walk one day, let’s connect”
and this should apply to professors/deans/students/staff alike. Sometimes, I realize I learn so much more from my professor’s life experiences over a cup of coffee because these are the times that he/she need not be worried about the lesson objectives, facilitating the class blah blah and just be himself/herself. I think our professors are amazing individuals who carry with themselves wonderful stories, mistakes, decisions and non-decisions that pack so much wisdom for young folks like us. It’s a pity how we are just “milking” them for only 3 hours every week. But of course, they are busy people too so draw the line appropriately.
Bottom-line – they are humans as well and every bit as fallible and as human as we are so don’t be afraid to take the initiative to reach out to them instead of waiting for the reverse to happen. The worst that can happen is a… rejection? They don’t bite, I assure you. If they do, you’re just an email away from the President.
4. Choose to be extraordinary
Frankly speaking, I think SMU is an awesome place with awesome people doing awesome work. The problem? This awesomeness is an anomaly rather a norm. (Ok, you may want to argue that if it becomes a norm, then it ceases to be awesome. But what’s stopping us from being outstanding individuals in our defining right?)
My chance conversation with a good friend of mine, Cheon Loon, went on like this
“Look at it this way. When Singapore was in the 1960s to 1980s, it was all about survival and eking out a life in our post-independence times. In the 1980s and 1990s, it was all about ordinariness and striving for stability in times of rapid industrialization and mechanization. And for us Gen Ys who are in our prime in this current period is a time and opportunity for us to be extraordinary and to create miracles”
It’s like how our parents and grandparents have paved this path all the way to our times and now that we don’t have any urgent basic or core needs to meet (generally speaking) as collective themes, we are at a loss because life presents to us this blank canvas for unadulterated creation and expression. Yes it is ambiguous and uncertain but I think this space is exactly fertile and rich and it empowers us to be amazing individuals because we are not saddled or burdened by the baggage from yesteryear. Yes, there will still always be bills to pay and families and babies to support but have we resigned ourselves to the level of survival and ordinariness once again or are we still consciously striving for something bigger than ourselves? To make or be the difference in the realms and circuits we are passionate about and live life intentionally.
Point is you can choose to be the usual 9-to-6 (I think it’s more right?) tax accountant or be a kick-ass accountant who is conversant with the tax act, the go-to guy/girl for your clients and colleagues, the godly tax alumnus for your young and earnest juniors in the tax society to drool over, the director who sits on XYZ board and be sought for your expertise etc. etc. and still be capable at basic bean counting. I may be idealistic but hey, I think there’s so much greatness and mastery we can strive for in what we do. Like taking a gap year off to host and swim with the sharks and yes, I’m truly impressed by that by the way.
5. Love yourself, more
Just today, I had lunch with one of the deans (yes, I apply (3) actively) and he was sharing how we need to take better care of ourselves because all the all-nighters will take a toll on us when we hit our 30s. Granted that I’m not the best advocate for loving thyself especially in the department of sleeping and resting adequately, this lesson is for me too.
I think as final year students, it has come to a point in my SMU life that you’ll instinctively say “no” to late/overnight/weekend meetings or insane all-night chionging sessions at the library and be dressed in formal just an hour before presentation without going home for a bath or having as much as an eye-wink. Of course, unless it’s super duper emergency.
Yet as most of us will realize… it really boils down to starting early, acting fast and being responsible in a group. Yes I’m quite old already. I choose to be extraordinary and that’s why I need to live long enough to watch this awesomeness blossom.
More than that, love yourself for who you are and what you believe in and go after what you really love. Celebrate and rejoice when you’ve done well and don’t beat yourself up so badly when you err or fail. The emotional distress that comes with failure has become so paralyzing that sometimes I’m not surprised that’s the very reason we spend all our energies to play safe and lie in “prevention modes”
I think in this pressure cooker environment where we are so hard pressed to be an all-rounder, we hardly get around to appreciating ourselves enough. We all deserve more gentleness for ourselves, as we’ve been too tough on ourselves for really too long.
---
Thanks for reading till here. I hope some of what I’ve said strikes a chord with you and I’ll love for you to share with me what you would wish you knew when you first stepped into SMU/university. Stay blessed and awesome!
Regards,
Benjamin
Another good read!
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